scared vs sobered...

my mom had a stroke on tues night. thanks be to God, she is fine now and the docs say there was no damage from it.
looking back on that experience is pretty tough. to be honest, after everyone left that night and i was alone again, i realized that i was scared "poo"less. i had seen the look, the emts and paramedics and first responders and all that stuff, i'd watched em put her walk out and get on the gurney and them drive her off...and now i was alone and it all sank in. not a single goofy or stupid thing was going through my head to say. i couldn't think of anything to make me laugh. nothing seemed fun. there was no light in my eyes. as i lay there trying to get some sleep for the day ahead, it hit me. its so fast, so unpredictable....so final. she could've been gone for good that night. or it could have been my dad. or my bro. or somebody else i cared about. she was able to walk and talk somewhat shortly after it happened, but it could have been final. or she could've been parylized. or unable to speak. or something else. she was lucky. we all were lucky. God's plan only entailed what happened, and for that i'm very thankful.
to be honest, "why?" never crossed my mind. maybe it was just cause i was in shock. or because i knew i wouldn't be able to figure it out. my dreams last night deff expressed how i have felt for the last 2 days. i'm just glad taht she's gonna be ok, and that God has something in this. i don't know what it is, and i'm not scrutinizing everything trying to find what it is. i know when He's ready for me to see it, i'll see it.

oh...and the next time i see some kid or teenager backtalk their mother...i'm gonna smack the fire outa them. you only get one mom. and she's worth way more than you'll ever know.

fog

on my way home from some more good time tonight, i had the great chance to be able to drive through some fog. i love fog. i don't know why, but i have always liked it. something about driving through it and seeing the layers is just really kewl. you can see and then all is white. its really kewl when you get up and you can hardly see anything. and then the sun comes up and burns through it. or youre on the water, like a lake or something. and you're canoe seems to be just floating in a haze cause there's a layer of fog on the water. (now don't everybody be a smart-face and say well duh you're floating on the water...shuddup.)you can see your chest cause you've got some stupid life jacket on, but then everything kinda fades into a haze (caused but nature, not reefer).
another thing that's kewl about fog...you don't usually find it in the city. at least, nothing like out in the country. (the city sux hard core - you can't enjoy nature at all) out in the boonies, you can see the fog rolling along with the landscape.
i ran out of things to say about fog. the end.

well gosh, its been a while

well hi there, kids!!! did ya miss me? i was talking to nate a while back, and the issue of blogs came up. and i thought, oh crap, i have one of those. and i used to write on it all the time. i should get back into that. so i'm back...hopefully. don't get too excited about it. i'll try to come up with something worthwhile to post about once in a while. later, foos.

time for some audience feedback

howdy everybody. over the weekend, i realized that i need to start figuring out what direction i want to go when i graduate from mmi. but i really have no idea which way to go with my life. i have a few ideas of my own, but i would like to hear what ya'l think i would be good at. humorous suggestions are welcome, but i kinda want some serious ideas too. i figure that if i start thinking about this now, it will help me out when i have to decide what college to go to from here. so lemme know what ya'll think. thanks a bunch.

weather

on monday when i drove back to school, it was 65 degrees down here. yesterday, it was 71 and sunny. today....it is 32 and snowy. i wish it would've stayd at 71. oh well.
for those of you who still read this, think back to they days of my spring airsoft guns. those were the days...shooting people at school, on soccer trips, on wrestling trips, my bro when he sat unarmed in his room, the cats (just kidding mom...kind of), shooting mr lambeth before school (he never had a clue), and of course, the best, shooting jared. well, those days go on, but i have since upgraded my method of weapon. i recently obtained a gas airsoft pistol. it is so kewl. 30 rounds of un-interupted raw power (that can easily be turned into raw pain) is now within my fist of fury. hahahahahahah!!!!! die, underlings!! i forsee some barracks raids happening this weekend...at least, that's what the forecast calls for.

combatives and good ol' grillin

yesterday i did jujitsu (i probly spelled tha wrong) with some guys in my prayer group for about 3 hours. lemme tell ya, that is a work out. but it was so much fun. i did some butt kicking and got my butt kicked about as many times. its pretty rough stuff. i passed out once...that was awesome. it was only for a couple of seconds, but coming back in was so kewl. and i beat the biggest guy out there a couple of times. (yes, he's bigger than me). there was one move that i used a lot and it turned out to be a prettygood submission move. i used it so much that they said they were gonna start calling it the prelock. it was fun though. my jaw is still feeling some of the effects of a few of the moves put on me. feels a little big like i got hit with a sledge hammer...but its a good feeling. i started to get the hang on some of the positions and moves by the end of the 3 hours. i'll deffinately go back again.
then, in the evening, we grilled a bunch of deer burgers. man they were good. i can't even discribe how good they were. big thick burgers with lots of flavor and juice and so yummy. and we're gonna do it again toniht. just hope they don't make me fat. and then i get to go to church tomorrow. what a great weekend. it really couldn't get much better.

have you ever.....

have you ever met someone that you could tell wanted help, or friends, or acceptance?
have you ever felt like God wanted you to be the person to give them what they are looking for?
have you ever had to leave that person for a while? and when you come back, you realize that they made some bad choices?
have you ever felt like if you were there, maybe you could've stopped them from doing whatever it was that they did?
have you ever been bitter cause you weren't there to try to help?
have you ever watched other people give up on that person, even though they said they cared and wanted to help?
have you ever wondered why you were the only one left caring?
have you ever felt helpless while you watch things go from bad to worse? but you can't be there anymore to try to help?
have you ever felt the sorrow of loosing contact with that person? and wondering what is happening with them now?
have you ever felt anger when you come back and say something about her, and someone cracks a joke about her, or says something rude or stupid?
have you ever felt the joy of getting back in contact with her?
have you ever felt like maybe you've been given another chance with her while you talk for a few hours?
have you ever realized that she still doesn't have Jesus Christ in her life yet?
have you ever realized that if she dies, she will go to hell?
have you ever thought that maybe you could be the one to show her the way? to help her realize the truth?
have you ever thought about the celebration that takes place in Heaven everytime a new person decides to accept the Jesus Christ's atoning blood to wash away their sins? when they decide to surrender their life to God to do whatever He wills with it?
have you ever cried because you wanted so much for her to be the one that they celebrate about in Heaven?
have you ever prayed frevently that she would accept Christ?
have you ever prayed fervently that if at all possible, you would be there when she finally accepts Christ?
have you ever.....